


What Used To Be

by Ive_never_read_fluff



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders is a Little Shit, Deceit Sanders Angst, Deceit Sanders-centric, Gen, Unsympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:29:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23881588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ive_never_read_fluff/pseuds/Ive_never_read_fluff
Summary: Deceit has dreams of memories from when Virgil was a Dark Side.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 54





	What Used To Be

Deceit looked around, he was in a dark room. He felt cold. "W-who are you?" A familiar voice cut through the silence. He was about to say something when someone cut him off. "My name's Deceit, what's your name?" He turned and saw his younger self, talking to a scared, younger looking Virgil.

"I.. don't know... I don't have one." The boy in black looked terrified. "Oh. Did you pop up here just now?" Deceit asked, motioning for Anxiety to follow him. "Yeah, j-just a few seconds before you came.." He trailed off, followed Deceit. "Well, you're here now, what do you want for lunch? You can go to the room that just appeared, it has a storm cloud on it. Remus will help you decorate it later. After you've settled I'll introduce you to him." Deceit said, heading to their kitchen. He turned to look at him and noticed he looked overwhelmed. "Oh, sorry if that was a lot.. I'm not quite used to a new side popping up." Deceit said.

The memory faded, and a new one took it's place.

"Hey Dee! Can we watch the Black Calderon?" Anxiety asked, a pleading look in his eyes. "Of course, Anx." Deceit replied, looking over at Remus. "But Deee! I don't wanna watch that!" Remus whined. "Hahaha! Too bad, trash man!" Anxiety said, putting the movie on. "Um, excuse you? I am the trash KING!" Remus said, waving his hands dramatically. Anxiety threw a pillow at him, "Yeah, yeah sure." Anxiety cuddled into Deceit, all his attention on the movie.

That memory also faded, another one showing up.

Deceit remembered hearing hearing heavy breathing, sounded like an anxiety attack. _Anx_ _._ He rushed to his room. Knocking on his door, he found he was correct. "D-dee.." That was all the permission he needed. He opened the door and rushed to Virgil's side. "Anx, hey, breathe with me. Ok? Can you do that?" He pulled Anxiety into a hug, already knowing what to do.

As Anxiety started to calm down he clinged to Deceit, wanting to stay in his warm embrace forever. "Um, could you, please, call me Virgil? Y-you don't have to! But um.." He asked, moving away from Deceit. "Okay, Virgil. I do have one question, though." He smiled, a smile only Virgil and Remus would see. Virgil nodded. "Can I call you Vee?"

Again, fade and replace. 

It was close to Christmas, and Deceit wanted to make something important for Virgil. Since he obviously liked hoodies, that's what Deceit decided to make. Plus, Remus had recently tore Virgil's hoodie, on accident. So Deceit took his riped hoodie and added gray patches. "Hey, Vee. I have something for you." Deceit was nervous, would he like it?

"Yeah. What is it? You're anxious." Virgil said, taking his headphones off. "I hope you like it.. I tried but, I don't know if you'll like it." Deceit said, his hands behind his back. "As long as it's not Remus-suggested." He chuckled, walking up to Deceit. Deceit put the hoodie in Virgil's hands. "Is.. is this?.." Virgil stumbled on his words, he teared up. "Dee, thank you so much!" He said, hugging Deceit. 

Another gone, another in it's place.

"Shut up! You don't get to tell me how to live my life!" Virgil shouted. "I know I don't! Haven't I told you why the Light Sides are bad? Have you forgotten about how they treated you at first!" Deceit shouted back. "Yeah, at first! But at least they like me now! Hell- they love me! And you don't! If you did, you'd let me go to them! I fucking hate you!" Virgil's words hurt Deceit. Deceit was silent. "Oh what's wrong?! You finally realize how you've treated me!?" Virgil yelled, slamming his hands on his bedside table. 

He made his decision. "..ok.. go, then. If it'll make you happy." Deceit struggled to get his words out, he didn't want to cry in front of the man who was about to leave him. "I will! Fucking watch me, Snake Face!" Virgil got up and stormed out, leaving a crying Deceit alone in his now ex-friends' room.

A final fade, then he woke up. 

Deceit's eyes snapped open. He had tears running down his face, stinging his scales. "Why did you leave me, Virgil? What did I do, huh? Was it my face? Did you find something else, something better? Well I suppose it doesn't matter. You left, it's in the past. As long as you're happy. I'm not, but no one cares about a liar." His monologue was cut off by his sobbing. He felt so pathetic, so weak, he felt worthless. He knew he was worthless.

All he ever wanted was to make sure his 'family' -Virgil and Remus- was happy. And they were. Even though it's not with him, even though it's with the Light Sides, even though he is alone. Patton can make his 'famILY' happy. Deceit couldn't. So of course they left once they found better. Better than Deceit. Deceit was nothing, just a unwanted villain. It hurt, it stung, tore him apart, so he buried his only remaining friend in his skin, waiting for his old thoughts and memories to leave. 

Yes, as Self-Preservation, he knows it's bad. Yes, he shouldn't hurt himself, but as long as it doesn't affect Thomas.. it's okay. It's fine, really. He's not, but it's fine. It's not like anyone could give a single shit. If they found out, they'd only pity him, and fulfill their moral obligation. 

Remus blamed him for Virgil leaving. So naturally, when Remus announced he was joining the Light Sides, Deceit let him go. "If you need anything.. I'm here." He had said, holding in his tears. But Remus was already walking out. Walking out on Deceit, away from him. The second the door shut, Deceit knew he'd be alone, alone, by himself, forever. It hurt, so did the cuts on his body, so did the burn marks on him, so did his headache after waking up from an overdose, so did the knowledge that he couldn't kill himself, so did the days he spent staring at a blank wall. 

Everything hurt, it felt like his world had been slowly crumbling since Virgil left. The only times he felt something other than sadness, or emptiness, was when he was hurting himself. No matter if it's cutting, burning, or punching himself. He feels like he is breaking. Slowly deteriorating, his whole being leaving him, his will to live was already far gone, he feels like he's fading away. Or spiraling. Spiraling down, down, down into insanity. He feels himself getting closer every day, waiting for the day he loses himself, the day he loses hope, the day he is free from himself, the day he can finally be something other than sad or empty. 

He doesn't know how long he spends staring off into space, how long he spends crying, how long he spends wasting away, how long it's been since he's ate, how long it's been since he last talked to a real, living thing. 

The only thing that kept him sane after Virgil left was Remus. Even if Remus was only around him to shout at him, to blame him for Virgil leaving, to tell him what he could've done different. It was still a side. A living thing. Now there's nothing, nothing but himself, him, himself, alone. Alone with himself. Left to think, wonder, and reflect, on what used to be. On what could've been. 


End file.
